"IF YOU CAN'T WALK WITH IT; IT DOESN'T EXIST."
INTEGRATION
I want to de-villanize stress for you.
Manageable stress is your best friend when it comes to integration, and a powerful lesson to me as a kid was: "Go to stress and wisdom, don't let it come to you."
When stress finds you, you are being ambushed, and when wisdom finds you first, it usually hurts or floods your entire city. Plus, you have been programmed, or taught that stress can lead to a multitude of health problems. However, just like any medicine, the difference between healing you and harming you, or medicine and poison, is intention and dosage. So too much stress can overwhelm you, or just, umm, stress you out. Like overdosing on a pain killer, or someone slipping something in your drink at a bar.
But the right amount of stress can teach you, expand your capacity, and be a fun and rewarding exercise to shed light on what skills, information, or concepts you have actually integrated.
A KARAOKE EXPERIMENT
When I said "stress," where did your mind go? Was it your "to-do" list, your job, a certain time in your life, or feeling time slip away right in front of you?
Take a moment and contemplate your stories, thoughts, feelings, and opinions about the word "stress." I immediately thought about Karaoke being the perfect example of stress, feedback, and integration, but that's obvious, right? I'll just assume we are on the same page here.
You don't have to dive right into being 15 minutes late to an important job interview while stuck in traffic with diarrhea and just getting a text from your partner that reads, "We need to talk." Oh... and there's a f&?!ing wasp in your car, too. You can keep it simple, manageable, and enjoyable. Although I am terrified and will NEVER participate in Karaoke, it's a great lesson in integration, so hear me out.
A CHOICE
When someone asks you what song you're going to sing at Karaoke, you are now going to have to make a choice. You need to choose something that you can pull off and actually sing it. You know the song all the way through; don't forget about the bridge or any high notes, or if it's a family event, no weird sexual lyrics, and your choice also says a little something about you. So, this unassuming moment of stress is asking you to commit to something. It's no longer a theory; it's about to happen. Or be a brave wet blanket like me and say, "I don't sing karaoke."
What does a choice require from you?
Commitment to an idea. You may be naming your business, choosing paint for an accent wall, or picking out shoes; either way, you are making a choice that you will end up living with.
Plus, a choice asks you if you know yourself, if you actually have the skill to execute the idea, or if you are making choices for others and letting your ego, ambition, or confidence write checks you can't cash. Either way, make it a practice to love and accept your choices, and as far as karaoke or any other project-based concept, you will have to execute the idea, too. So do you drink a little to outsource some courage and have the safety net of "I was drunk," or do you go up there sober as a judge, ready to break some hearts because your song choice is definitely the right choice for this magical night?
HOWEVER
THE STRESS TEST
Stress is your best friend here, but manageable stress. I am not asking you to storm any castles or go too far outside your skill level.
Stress can involve anything from timing yourself to performing a task in front of someone. Sometimes, you may be stressed out by being alone or wondering why you are doing something in the first place. You're busy, and spending time doing something that won't give you an advantage, reward, or escape is rarely worth a modern citizen's time.
But this is Karaoke, and you think you know the song you're about to sing. Stress will tell you whether you're right or not.
SO, FIND YOUR STRESS LIKE A PRO
Begin by feeling what it feels like to be peaceful, empowered, and embodied in a skill. Now, slowly innoculate stressors to break that feeling. Be gentle and have fun discovering the little things that can be monkey wrenches in your best self. Remember your goal, though: build the skill to return to that feeling. This is where training comes in.
As far as Karaoke goes, you may think you know all the words, but that's because they are written on a screen for you or you are singing along with the actual song. Have you ever thought you knew the words but tried to sing without any cues? For example, you may know the second verse to "Brickhouse," but is that because you really know them, or do you just need the first couple of words to remind you?
You may know the song, but now you're on a date, and you are really attracted to them, so you're nervous. The crowd is really enjoying your performance, but the person you want to listen to is just staring at their phone or getting up to go to the bar. Be mindful of the little things that challenge your peace, ease, and best self. It's not about conquering them because, with training, these challenges help you integrate.
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